If you are a wife whose husband has recently cheated or had an affair, then you know, without my having to explain it, that it's vital for you to understand why he did this. As impossible as it may seem, you'd like to know his thought process. You'd like to know what, exactly, he was feeling when he decided to throw your marriage vows to the wind and cheat on you. I understand why you need to know this. I agree that this knowledge AnastasiaDate.com Reviews isn't optional. But I also know that very few men are going to willingly share this information in its entirety. And some of that is because this information is not readily available to them. Some aren't sure why they cheated. But, even so, its reasonable to expect them to attempt to figure this out. And when they don't, it can be a real problem.
I might hear a comment like:
"I will admit that it is completely out of character for my husband to
cheat. He is the last man who I would have predicted would have cheated. He has
always been very reliable and dedicated. And true to form, he came to me and
admitted to the affair. I appreciate that he did this. It means something to
me. But, I just don't understand. We have a good marriage. And I don't even see
any real struggles in his life. He hasn't recently gone through a mid life
crisis or anything like that. Once he told me about the affair, all he would
really say was that it was short, that it was over, and that he desperately
loves me. Since that time, I have been able to extract a little bit of
information about the other woman AnastasiaDate and about
how they met, but I haven't been able to obtain any information about why he
did this. I have asked him repeatedly. At first, he said that he didn't know.
So I told him that it was up to him to figure it out because I wasn't even
going to entertain saving our marriage unless he had a clear understanding of
why he cheated and then he fixed it. I basically get no real response to this
except for him to repeat that he doesn't know why he cheated and then for him to
say that he loves me and to beg me not to leave him. What am I supposed to do
with this?"
First of all, I want you to know
that I absolutely valid your need to understand this. You deserve these answers
for many reasons. But, understanding what has motivated or driven him is
absolutely vital because it helps to guide you with your healing and, once it
has been worked through, you have the peace of mind that you have dealt with
the main issue and can move on. When he can't or won't give you the information
AnastasiaDate.com that
allows you to do this, then you will always be paranoid, fearful, and
suspicious. And that is really no way to move forward in your marriage.
With that said, your husband may be
being quite truthful when he insists that he doesn't know why he cheated and
that he loves you. Both of these things may be one hundred percent heartfelt
and true. But, without the answers, you still come up short as far as your
healing goes.
Here is what I would suggest. It's
clear that this husband is desperate to set it up so that his wife doesn't
leave him. This means that he is going to be more likely to agree to whatever
she needs moving forward. My first choice here would be to suggest counseling.
I knew that you both might be cringing at this suggestion, but please hear me
out. Your husband may truly want to know why he did this, but he doesn't. He's
not a mental health counselor. And frankly, men are not always very in tune
with their feelings. You may well want to help him, but you can't exactly be
objective here either.
A counselor is both objective and
skilled. She has likely dealt with this many times before and can help to
gently pull this out of him so that you can both benefit from this information.
There is also a possibility that he suspects some of the reasons for his
actions but he is embarrassed or bothered by those reasons. Or, he doesn't want
to burden or hurt you with them. Again, a counselor can help you to navigate this
situation where you might otherwise get stuck.
I admit that counseling isn't
always for everyone. I didn't always enjoy it. I also know that some people
just will not go. In that case, there are some good self help materials that
will give you check lists or open ended questions that will help you to uncover
some of his motivations.
However you get to the bottom of
this though, it's important that you dig until you get the answers that you
want. Don't give up. And don't just drop it. You deserve this answers. And when
you have a husband as motivated as this one, I suspect that he will do whatever
it takes to give you what you need. But sometimes, you will have to nudge him
and you will have to line up the resources.
Comments
Post a Comment